A cruel reality

When you have more pressure than what you can manage, what shall you do? Hypothetically speaking, you shall try to understand what causes pressure and then go to deal with the root. Do I follow the hypothetical speaking? Not at all. In reality, I either pretend no pressure or become super defensive. Either way I hurt myself. I believe you can imagine it. People said you learn lessons as you grow up. So true. This year I decided to fulfill a dream on my dream list. Fulfilling a dream supposes to be amazing. But it is an extremely exhausting and killing process. After few months hard work, the dream is more than half way through and I am half way dead. I did not expect to pay a grant prize for fulfilling a dream. Not at all. Neither did I know I would need to sacrifice something precious in exchange of this dream. Now I see what has been sacrificed. I dare not take help for granted. This is not me. But, with tons of pressure on top of my shoulders, I became less sensitive and thoughtful. I was eager to receive helps. I craved for warm words after exhausting works. I over stretched myself. Why? Because of my poor planning and workaholic personality. I planned naively to complete everything in two months. I have been working toward this goal with all I can give physically and mentally. I became anxious and upset when things did not go as well as I wanted to. I expected my boy friend to be a workaholic as I. So I became so demanding to him. I did not stand in his shoes but just complained of his absence. Now the dream is almost complete. I am so satisfied with the outcome. I thought he would be as happy as I. But no. Of course not. I forgot he is not me and this is not his dream. This process makes him unhappy. Not just a bit, I am losing him. Too much pressure. Would I be happy to make a dream come true? Would I be happy to make a dream come true with a super sacrifice? If time can be reversed, would I make the same decision - go for this dream? Time waits no one and never be reversed. This is the beauty of the time and the cruelty of the time.