Cool

Given the financial situation, layoff, future uncertainty, self compromise, my presence and future don't look as fascinating as before. Yet the worst may be the turning point, I like to think this way. I was traumatized by the job hunting back to 2005 and so I told myself to suck up all unpleasant scenes at work. The stay may be wrong. I have no answer. My financial situation is in deep shit. But I am grateful to it. Why? My reasoning - it's always better to know what the shit looks like and how I react earlier than later. The funny part of this hardship is that it was me to dig the hole and put myself in. It's a good lesson. The rumors of layoffs at work unease me. I know many of you understand the fear. There is only that little that I can control. If I keep the angst, I will just crash myself. The future uncertainty is already heavy. Why I want to trash myself with more anxiety? I am working to earn more certainty and being a miss brightside. I am looking into the self compromise and see what I can do to less damage myself. Being cool. It's something I realized this morning. Not the appearance. The mix of the courage and composure. The shit stinks yet the spirit should not stink as I am going through.